The Walton-on-Thames Wallises

First Willesden, then Weybridge, now we have become of Walton-on-Thames.

The first thing I want to know is why we are Walton-ON-Thames and them down the river is Kingston-UPON-Thames. And Newcastle-UPON-Tyne etc. What are they so "up" about?

When i can be arsed to shaked off my cold, go outside with a camera, take a photo, plug the camera into the computer and go through the endless palaver of uploading it, I will post an image of Wallis Manor here:

Just you see if I don't. Or if by the time you read this, I already have, then truly I am a man of my word (I have now put a photo up and I would like to reassure anyone reading this that our house does have a roof - it just appears to be invisible in this photo).

Assuming the photo isn't there yet I will attempt to describe its sprawling magnificence to you. Though of course, mere words won't come close to recreating the extraordinary tinge of yellow in the paint which the previous owners saw fit to splash liberally throughout the dining room.

Previous owners please note: I'm exaggerating for comic effect. It's a lovely yellow.

Annyroad. It's a 3 bed "Victorian" semi. Victorian is in quotes because no one, including the previous owners, estate agents or lawyers, seem to know how old it is. This is odd because people seem to set quite a lot of store by a house's age when it comes to getting mortgages approved and all, when actually it doesn't matter at all.

What does matter is whether it's in imminent danger of falling down or not, which modern surveyors are almost pathologically reluctant to investigate. Any surveyors' report I've seen tends to take the view that yes, from a distance it's almost certainly a house (this assertion is advisory only in no way submissable in court).

And they didn't want to look too closely in case they uncovered something really nasty.

So yes, we're here, and we're in, hoping not to breathe out too loudly in case mortgage rates go up again.

The increased space for Amy's benefit means that her mother is now taken away from her 3 days a week so that we can earn the money to pay for it. Now if she were 13, this would be the perfect arrangement, but at the moment she is still expresses a quiet mixture of bewilderment and heartbreak when we drop her off. She also becomes overwhelmed with joy and happiness when we return. The start of some long-term deep-seated psychological damage or "character building"? There is often very little difference between the two.

That apart, things are going well. There's a CAMRA-style pub walk (ie 4 pubs on a half mile loop) which starts quite literally on my doorstep. If you turn right you start at a High Street Wetherspoons and get progressively classier until you end up at the Anglers (see WPG passim). If you turn right you end up at the Wetherspoons, but have the added attraction of being within slowly revolving distance of a curry house, a chinese takeaway and the worlds dodgiest looking kebab van (apart from the one that turns up around 8pm on St Giles in Oxford. And the weird one that hangs out outside the Waitrose in Weybridge High Street). Mmm. Gourmet cuisine.

I think I've blethered on enough. But now I've managed to get married, become a father and move house within two short years, can we finally set a date for the Oxford Tube Will's Challenge? Will?