That groom's speech in full...

You may notice some similarities to the Wallis speech. They are entirely intentional...


Well, the future Mrs Jackson is now just Mrs Jackson! That will take some getting used to - it's a tough job, but I hope I'm the man to do it...

I did have a great speech worked out for you today, but as we’re now married, Helen has told me what to say instead.

So, here goes - first in a long list of thank yous from, (COUGH) MY WIFE AND I is to you ALL for coming today, and for the incredibly generous gifts you’ve given us. It means a great deal to us that a lot of people - many of whom think Hampstead is the far north - have come to join us for our big day.

Thank you also to Harry for the kind words and best wishes, and to both him and Susan for the considerable help they've given us with today. I still don't know what they make of this southern media jessie that Helen brought home for the first time almost seven years ago. I don't even claim to understand the offside rule or what a double accumulator each-way is, but they've both been extremely kind to me - not least allowing me to marry their daughter! It’s frightening how trusting people can be! There are flowers for Susan, and a crate of beer is on its way to Hartlepool.
(Flowers for Susan)

As some of you will know, Helen's grandad passed away last week, and we’re obviously disappointed he isn't around to share this day with us, as I'm sure he would have been enormously proud at how beautiful his grand-daughter looked today. Both Bill and Evelyn have been so welcoming that they are like my own adopted grandparents, and I am eternally grateful for that. They were married over sixty years ago – which has given us something to aim for; I’ll be very pleased if we are as happy as they’ve been together after all that time. My own Nan, who was from NewCASTle, died a few years back, but I know that in turn she would be very happy that I've chosen a canny North Eastern lass like Helen.

Secondly, unfortunately my Mum isn't well enough to be here tonight, and my Dad has chosen to stay at home and get under her feet. This has at least saved us from him requesting "Agadoo" in the disco later. Again, they love Helen dearly and we have to thank them for helping us with today's event. There are beer and flowers (I hope those arrive the right way round) on their way to Seaford. My Uncle Stuart and Auntie Janet are doing a great job of representing them here today and here's some flowers to say thanks again...
(Flowers for Stuart & Janet)

Whilst we're on the subject of flowers, there are some beautiful displays on the top of the pillars here. We can't leave them in the hall, so if you'd like to take one home with you, please feel free - it'll save Nick Wallis having to clear them up at the end of the night. Also, there is a picture frame – you may be wondering what that’s for – we’d love you to sign it, and we’ll use it to frame one of our photos of today.

People have asked about our courtship… our first date was to the bear-pit that is the midnight show at the Comedy Store; that went well, so I decided to try Helen’s culinary tastes, and being the class act that I am, took her to the fish and chip shop in Covent Garden that’s called “The Rock and Sole Plaice” (geddit?). When she liked that, I thought, perhaps this is the one for me?

The reading you heard from Nick Wallis about Waterloo Bridge was chosen because I thought I’d try taking her there to see the romantic view of the London skyline at night. Unfortunately, I bottled it - so our first kiss was at the slightly less glamorous location of Embankment tube station!

Many of you will know that I used to produce a breakfast show, with Steve Hyland, who I still love like a brother, and is here today. Well, in true breakfast show style – no, I haven’t cut a few funny stories out of the paper - but I did manage to look up that radio favourite – what happened on this day in history! One stood out as particularly appropriate. On 10th December, in 1883, that rarest of rare things – a blue moon occurred. Well, ladies and gentlemen, someone like Helen only comes along once in a blue moon, and that’s why I wanted to make her my wife.

Look-alike, radio travel news presenter, voiceover, TV producer, karaoke singer extraordinaire, character actress... and now beautiful bride - most people might be lucky enough to marry one of these… in Helen I have them all. I’m not quite sure what she’s doing with me - I can only assume perhaps she’s not as bright as she looks.
More thank yous need to go to the Best Man, Antony, of whom more in a minute, and the Ushers, Ian, Alastair and Adam, for stopping me from spending all afternoon in the pub. Spoilsports! Despite this, they still get some presents...
(Ushers' tankards)
I'm holding Antony's back until I've heard the speech.

Also to the others who have given their time to help us out - the other Will for videoing the ceremony so my parents can watch me sweating down the front of the hall, Nick Ratclifte for agreeing to DJ when he could be enjoying it with the rest of us, Nick Wallis for speaking and providing a substantial part of this speech as well as general moral support, and Nicola for also providing a wonderful reading. I think that's everyone called Nick.

Thank you to Diana Naish, Sophie and all of her catering staff, who have done a great job today, and will have to deal with your thirsts behind the bar later on. Also to Wayne, The Chocolate Guy, responsible for the fountain. And before the first dance, we have a piece of audio that’s been specially produced by James Stodd. I have no idea what’s on it, but please give it your full attention!

Also a huge thank you to Charlesworth and Hunt Theatrical Costumiers for making all the dresses - they've never done wedding dresses before, but I'm sure you'll agree all that everyone looks fabulous, dahling! If anyone is staging a musical in the next few months they've brought some business cards...

And last but not at all least, the bridesmaids, Wai, Viv, Nic, Louise and Holly - the second-best looking women in the room, after my wife - oh, and of course the Mother in Law. We also can't forget our pageboy Sam - we have gifts for you all:
(Bridesmaids' necklaces & pageboy's tankard)
So ladies and gentlemen, please charge your glasses and be upstanding for… THE BRIDESMAIDS!

============

I first met my best man in Flat Eleven of Bertrand Russell Tower at Essex University where we were both Freshers. We quickly became friends - I introduced him to radio, we shared an adopted home of the University Top Bar, and he gave me a temporary Brummie accent which horrified my parents when I came home for Christmas. Little has changed since - he still inexpicably drinks pints of cider, has maybe less hair, but we still get on famously.

After Essex, Antony worked at Haymarket publications where he met a beautiful Irish girl, Gillian, and I was privileged to be asked to be his Best Man. Ant and Gill didn't make me go through the ordeal that a Best Man's speech can be - but frankly, he's not getting out of it tonight!

Antony moved over to Ireland a few years back - and so I must thank him and Gill for coming so far to be here with us tonight. It remains to be seen whether I'll still be thanking him in a few minutes time. But we are all the more fortunate for his presence here with us today.

Put simply, the man is an inspirational public speaker. I can guarantee this day will stay with you for the rest of your lives. Like other life-changing events, you will remember exactly where you were. Your children will look up at you and say: "Daddy - tell us again about the day you heard Antony Whittall speak".

When Antony opens his mouth, the room falls silent, drinks go undrunk, cigarettes go unsmoked. DJs hush their records. Time stands still.

Antony can speak for hours, without notes, yet it seems like seconds. He can evoke laughter and tears - audiences are putty in his hands, and cling to his every word. The magic and charisma drip from every sentence, and transcend mere sounds. To use a radio phrase, this is "theatre of the mind" at its finest - I've never yet seen an audience he hasn't left whooping and hollering and on their feet begging for more.

We are therefore all privileged to be in the presence of such once-in-a-lifetime greatness. World leaders request audiences with this man, global stars fall over themselves for moments in his presence. People pay tens of thousands of pounds, and travel across continents to hear this man speak - he's yours tonight for the price of a return ticket on GNER! I am both humbled and honoured to introduce the single best - Best Man's speech that you will ever hear in your lives... Ladies and Gentlemen: Antony Whittall!

====

The best man, Antony Whittall. I think the build-up was justified by that. I was best man for Nick Wallis a few months ago and he did that to me, so it’s only fair to do it to someone else. To say sorry, we have another gift for Antony, plus there's a crate of cider on the way too...
(BM's tankard)

Well, how do we follow that? With one of the best DJs around - except we couldn't afford him, so I've got a mate in instead. I had the delight of producing him at Mercury FM; he's the man behind such legendary features as, er, Ratcliffe's Riddle. He's played for princesses and Robbie Williams (manager) - now he's here tonight. Don’t forget to sign the picture frame, but in the meantime, ladies and gentlemen, the caterers need to do the washing up, so please head downstairs for The Nick Ratcliffe Disco Roadshow!