That best man's speech in full...

When Nick asked me to be the best man, I told him I was deeply honoured, but didn’t think I was the right person for the job. He said to me: how about twenty quid? I said: “Nick – I can’t be bought”. He then said to me: how about twenty quid and a pint of lager?

So – good evening, ladies and gentlemen - my name is Will, and I’m your best man today.

I must say I was a little worried in making this speech today - until I saw your faces and realised that you’re all like me… already drunk. And also getting as far away from Harry Potter Mania as possible.

It’s been an emotional day so far – even the wedding cake is in tiers.

Before we go any further, I must say thank you, of course, to Simon for a great speech, and for being such a fantastic host. And we’ll come on to Nick in a moment...

In particular, its my duty to say thank you on behalf of the bridesmaids – even though you may be able to see by looking at me that I’m not actually a bridesmaid. And didn’t they all look absolutely lovely today?

I’d also like to congratulate them and Nicola’s family for doing such a great job in making sure that Nicola went against her better judgement - and didn’t change her mind.

I must say that Nicola always looks great – but today, she looks absolutely stunning – doesn’t she, ladies and gentlemen? And as for Nick - he just looks stunned!

Thank you also to the caterers – Ginny Baldwin and the team – we’ve been able to taste the great job that they’ve done. And Combe Manor – when you eventually find it – what an astonishing venue. I also have to let you know there’s a wedding book to remind Nick and Nicola of today – please feel free to make your mark. And you’ll also find a display in the main hall of some early photos of Nick and Nicola, in an exhibition entitled “Nick Wallis – The Morten Harket out of A-Ha years”.

So Nick and Nicola have finally got married, for better or for worse. Which is quite appropriate - as Nick couldn't have done any better, and Nicola couldn't have done any worse…

Nicola, I feel I need to tell you about the man you’ve married. Nick can be described as handsome, witty, intelligent, generous, a great father and talented journ - journa …Sorry Nick, I’m having trouble reading your writing here…

I’ve known Nick for as long as I can remember: although, with not one, but two stag weekends before this wedding, my memory actually only stretches back as far as last Sunday morning - but I'm sure I've known him for longer than that! I hope we’ll still be friends at the end of this speech.

Actually, I first met Nick in the Spring of 1996. Nick, who tells me he’s 25, was clearly a child prodigy and at John Moores University in Liverpool at the age of 14. But this quibble aside, at the Student Radio conference they were holding, I was told the one person I had to meet was the new Chair of the Association. Now - I remember two things of that evening. One was how ridiculously cheap a large Jack Daniels and Coke was, and the other was meeting for the first time this slightly eccentric man, with crazy hair, wearing yellow “Rupert” style trousers ready to go clubbing in Liverpool afterwards. As you can see, very little has changed over the years.

Other than perhaps the hair colour – an early experiment in Nick’s goth years ended with the black he wanted actually becoming a rather odd looking navy blue.

But this was a man I immediately liked immensely. His casual wit and charm, his puppy-like enthusiasm for everything, his natural refusal to let anything get him down – and the fact I think he was the only person in the room drunker than me - made want him as a friend. I think for Nick though there was an ulterior motive – at the time I was a travel news reporter – and from what I hear, Nick seemed to have an unusual habit of waking up in railway sidings at the end of the line and needing to find his way home at three in the morning. I think he had a gold card for an upgrade at Basingstoke sidings.

His brother Tom, told me a story that I think encapsulates Nick’s genuine – if sometimes ill-advised - enthusiasm: not being mechanically-minded, Nick was not put off from trying to service the family car. He thought that he'd put some oil in it because he’d recently acquired the know-how to read the dipstick. He tipped a bottle of oil in, and clearly seeing how it could take some more, tipped in another bottle - a much, much bigger bottle. When the engine was full of oil, and I mean completely full, he set off on his merry way for about four yards before the car promptly conked out in a cloud of black smoke. Unfortunately the nick-name 'dipstick' only lasted a few days because he was a tad sensitive to it.

Thankfully with Nicola, Nick’s taste in women has improved beyond measure. You wouldn’t think Nick would have a great deal in common with John Major – and I’m sorry as I know we’ve only just finished eating, but Nick – being thrown out of a party for pinching Edwina Currie’s bottom is nothing to be proud of. And these celebrity encounters bring me to the first of this evening’s telegrams: and it’s from George Michael. It says Nick – congratulations on the wedding – it’s such a shame - we would have made a lovely couple.

Nick’s media career continued to progress. Despite having what they call “a face for radio”… and actually “a voice for newspapers” – he ended up reading the news on BBC Three. He was always keen to progress – and hadn’t yet realised that at the BBC if they want to give you feedback they’ll tell you. He asked the channel controller once what he thought of the bulletin – and got the response – yeah, you’re fine – just stop looking so bloody pleased to be on television!

With the arrival of the lovely Amy a couple of months ago, Nick has had to take on the considerable responsibility of a new baby. It tells you a lot about Nick that – for one moment – I wasn’t sure whether he was joking when I received the text announcing the arrival of Britney Condoleeza Giggs Cantona Ronaldo Wallis. But Nick has proved to be the most dedicated and devoted Father – constantly showing me photos and telling me how beautiful both Mother and Daughter are. And times have changed somewhat – when I was planning his stag weekend in Brighton, I asked whether there was anything he’d really like to do – perhaps jet-skiing, paintball, power-boating? He said that the best thing we could do for him was give him a couple of extra hours of sleep and a lie-in. You’ve done well to stay awake through my speech today.

Before I go, I’ll give Nick a couple of further pieces of advice today. I asked my Dad – who has been married for 40 years – if he had any advice for a new groom. He told me not to forget the five rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, the suffering, the torturing, and the enduring.

He also told me the best way to remember an anniversary is to forget it just once.
And his main advice to Nick was to remember the three little words that are the key to a happy marriage: “You’re right, Nicola”.

Now, as a man that will drink to absolutely anything, it gives me immense pleasure to invite you all to be upstanding, raise your glasses and join me in a toast to Nick and Nicola, because I think they were made for each other.

May your love be modern enough to survive the times, but old fashioned enough to last forever…

I'm sure you're both going to be happy together, and I speak for everybody here when I say I wish you both the very, very best for your future life together.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the new Mr and Mrs Wallis, Nick and Nicola!